At times when I see people getting together while I'm on the lousy side of being in love, I wonder... Will it be possible to fall in love again and feeling happy heal this illness? I have always tried to run and yearn to be loved again.
My love life started when I was just 21. How I met my first man was funny and yet it was once a one sided love. Slowly but surely, being where I have always were in the past has made him take another step to come closer and into my life. Eventually, we got together and a lot of stress came into it when I told my family that I am now in love with someone. It was the biggest mistake to tell the people I trust the most, like my sister, and I am still angry about it till now.
Trying to work it out was also another difficult process, I gave up trusting my family. The place I've always seek for comfort wasn't where I wanted to be. I almost gave up on being together after 1 year but he's been telling me not to give up since it's the two of them, not him and the others.. and half a year later I got dumped quietly. All the while in silence when I've been waiting for him and sending him messages to know how he is, if he's okay.. After half a year, all I'm told with just one word.. I think it's better I find someone else. It broke me down, I gave up on loving him.. I gave up on loving myself...
Another year passed when I've gotten myself into a job I love, and having illustration as my freelance, I've learned many things what my boss has seen, more than I did. I find it funny and yet happy to have a boss who really cares and teaches me on how to look into guys who are more worth chasing after. My mom and I slowly mended together, although I still always find it annoying when she cuts in while people is talking. I always have to tell her off, and point out her weakness all the time... And now, she's the closest and sometimes the dimmest when it comes to telling her some things..
Anyhow, I have gotten over him, and then he came back... Hoping to get back to me. I wonder why did you hurt me the last time? If you had to leave, leave me be... So I had to turn him down with a reason I can't and I don't have those feelings I used to for him anymore. So, that was the last of him.. And he had to leave for his hometown due to his parents. I'm a little down, when he had to go.. I wonder where did his stubbornness to love me for life went? He gave up.. And I moved on..
There are times when I still yearn for him, and I wish I never fell in love at all. But like my boss told me, we are worth if we are honest to our hearts and others. We have our beauty, and someone will find that beauty again, and the more we see, the more we are sure of what we are looking for in someone..
Pray one day, our hearts will heal in time..
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